What is BODYTHUMPER

Have you ever had a child die at the hands of the game industry? Perhaps a son, daughter or adopted child of undetermined gender of yours has played murder simulators such as "Great Theft Auto" or "Potstand 2" and then gone out on to the streets, made thousands of dollars selling crack before getting a game over by blasting away some cops or hookers? Even if that's never happened to you personally, we at Spaghetti Games are pleased to present to you "BODYTHUMPER: Starring Osaki Kim."

This revolutionary video game will bridle your lust for revenge against that filthy disgraceful form of entertainment known as video games. In it you control Osaki Kim, Korean-Japanese transexual father of a boy who was murdered at the ripe age of 14 years. The first word from Osaki's lips and from gamers' fingers is "revengeance" as Osaki fights, shoots and drives his way through around 30 interactive levels.

Features of this game:

• Dynamic rendering.
• 32 bits of different color on screen!
• Interactive menus.
• Photorealistic pixels.
• Over ten billion possible control schemes!
• Epic, gripping storyline crafted by Jack Thompson.
• Support for just less than two players!
• Over 48 hours of cutscenes.
• Massive immersive environment spanning from New York to Los Angeles.
• 44,100 hertz per sound effect!
• Soundtrack consisting of 78% music, 19% rap and 100% awesome!
• Option to quit and "jack-out" back in to reality.

BODYTHUMPER is the game that the critics didn't want to come out because they were too scared they wouldn't be able to find enough synonyms for 'perfect'. This game is nothing short of a global sensation that has taken the globe and sensationed it. It is believed to be the next best thing to a mainline heroin addiction.

How to get BODYTHUMPER

Bodythumper is free to download for anyone who is intelligent, open minded and a free, rational thinker. Because ego is the king of the brain, that means everyone on the planet is free to download it. That's right, especially you!

The system requirements are a computer, windows and SDL which is included in the download. You also need to be able to download 11.6 MB before your mom shouts at you to go to bed. Oh, you also have to be at least 18 years of age to play this. That's right, this game is so intense that anyone under that age would instantly be turned in to a violent psychopath. Remember the game is 11.6MB so if you have dialup you should consider that.

Actually downloading the game couldn't be simpler. Just move your mouse over this icon and hammer the button repeatedly.

As you are downloading the game, and assuming you haven't already closed this window and gone to browse hentai, you should read a little about the history behind this game. This game is directly based upon Jack Thompson's amazing discourse in to the human psyche and attempt to hold charity hostage for his questionable moral crusade. You should read that before you play the game.

Before 2006, this game was sold for charity. $71 whole earth dollars was generated which, despite my best intentions, was given away to help kids that have AIDS or whatever.

This game was started on October the 13th after LBlock and Dr_Ian discussed the possibility of making an 8-Bit style version of Jack's vision. We were fascinated by a particular line: he urinates onto the severed brain stems of the Eibel family victims. In 8-bit terms, what would that look like? LBlock whipped up a quick cutscene rendition and thus we decided that this was a great chance to waste our lives doing something righteous yet inevitably irrelevent. That urination artwork remains in the final game almost unchanged.

Forward to 23 days later. The game is finished and the graphics and sounds and everything are all done, just how Jack asked. Or at least, with modest artistic interpretation. Then we did something else and left this here to rot.

That's the end of the story. So it was a rubbish story. I don't care.

Frequently Asked BODYTHUMPERS

Q. Do you expect Jack Thompson to give $10,000 to charity?
A. It would be nice if he did. He has indicated previously that the offer was purely satirical; although to be fair the GTA mod was not even remotely close to fulfilling his challenge. Later on, he has said that'd he really do it if his challenge was met more precisely. Is this attempt precise enough? Almost certainly not for his tastes. Therefore I do not think he will ever give the money to charity.

Q. Why is this game not precise enough?
A. That's a good question. Basically, it wasn't specifically sold in 2006. All the rest of the proposal is licked, given the erotic ambiguity in English grammar. There are plenty of picky reasons one could pick out for it not being accurate, though. It isn't made by a legally registered profit-announcing company, a folly of many games such as Darwinia, Counter-strike or Cave Story. Or Llamatron. Or Elite or Tetris. It doesn't have a budget that's measured in millions (unless you count zero million). It's not in 3D. And, like all amateur rubbish such as Bejeweled, Alien Hominid, Puzzle Pirates and Wikipedia, it doesn't come in a box which you can buy on a shelf in a store somewhere.

Q. Why did he offer the money if he was quite certain nobody would meet the challenge?
A. That's something you'd really have to ask J. Thompson himself. Perhaps he was using charity to boost his own self-image and detriment those of the evil development teams that kill children? That's quite an evil act. However, to assume that is the case would be falling back to the portrayal of the man in the media, which is exactly Jack's point. Perhaps he honestly would give the money to charity but it's a lot of money for him so he didn't want to make it easy. YEAH, WELL NONE OF THIS IS GOING TO BRING BACK OSAKI KIM'S SON.

Q. This is an amateur game, so how amateur are you guys?
A. Dr_Ian has a degree in Mathematics and another in Computer Science and has worked on plenty of projects in the past. LBlock is studying for a degree in Archeology. We spent about 200-250 hours on this project. Most of the graphics were made in MSPaint. The levels were designed in Notepad. We worked from our respective homes without pay.

Q. This game sucks?
A. Yes.

Q. This game is too hard?
A. It is intentionally designed to be too hard. If you have ever played a few NES games that weren't so popular people still remember them now, you will realise that the ridiculous difficulty is actually a subtle poke at the games of yore.

Q. Why can't I walk over the bodies? That's so annoying.
A. I didn't bother to implement any occlusion sorting, so sometimes the guy would walk under the bodies instead of over them. To stop this creepy supernatural phenomenomenom, I took the best course of action for a game coded in three weeks from scratch. I made them solid. Don't worry, the levels are designed to be irritating using this exact 'feature'.

Q. Who are the bosses in this game?
A. The first boss is some lawyer guy, and is only a miniboss. The three last bosses are based on Shigeru Miyamoto, Ken Kutaragi and, in case you are stupid, Bill Gates.

Media about BODYTHUMPER

With a game like Bodythumper, which is so awesome you could probably beat it by pressing the keys at random for an hour, the first thing anyone wants is a myriad of screenshots to ruin the limited capacity for entertainment that the game really has. Not one to laugh at a barbeque, we have included below a gallery of screenshots which will bust your chops so hard you will be puking teeth for a week.

Click on any image to see a full size screenshot, which incidentally is a slightly misleading thing for me to write because they're all already full-sized, and clicking on them does nothing.

And now, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, we can show you a direct video of the gameplay of this game. All gamers want to know is what sort of 'hit' a game can give them, and where they can get their next 'hit' from. This is a video showing the goods AS IS. Everything in this video is 100% real footage. Click if you dare.

You might need the XVid to watch that.

BODYTHUMPER's friends!

Watch out, this game is a lot better than Bodythumper! Keep the hairy vision of Jack's smirking revenge rolling like a katamari covered in vegetable oil and K-Y jelly.

Who is RESPONSIBLE

If you want to speak to us over the internets, go to #bodythumper on irc.esper.net and start spamming. If you want email, it's "bodythumper" going to the server "gmail.com".

(c) 2057 Spaghetti Games